My emotions descend to a depth, i’ve never witnessed. They cast within, as poison within a pit of my stomach from my mind, causing me to vomit, the toxicity in the mind multiplies and causes me to lose my current perspective, I begin trying to take grasp of reality, it fluctuates – deep hatred-heavens; destroying my once healthy body. They stick, my mind can’t go upwards – at some level i feel i deserve pain, which keeps me low. I hyperventilate, but can’t catch up to my normal rhythm. Everything i’ve grown to love, about myself, feels shattered. The mirrors within my thought chain, bounce my thoughts from within, and create a phantom-curtain, that picks up the previous identity, throwing it. My confidence dances away with strength and musical, beauty, playing to an old skipping record – as my thoughts try to find hope, negativity skips with positivitey, briefly – of a destructive classical masterpiece.
The rock forms around the water – individuality is dead, society became duplicated – the printer, prints; never slowing to decide on its ethical stand – conformists. Living within a world we look to television for our fashion – the personality doesn’t blossom as it previously had, the pedals drift in the wind – negativity remains. strong hate stays, They’re marching in a single-fashion, their one size boots hitting the ground with vigorousness – the blue jacket stands out in the darkness. The soul, searching for different, never quite finding the spark; they see dead frowns mass produced; eyes appear sad, overworked, overused, their face is old, and hungering for another fix. Time continues and shall bring change, the junkies die, the dealer’s find a bullet – their organs, fail and their bodies shake – A pipe falls to the ground, hitting the ground with a sweet release, the shadow comes out, and sinks beneath -Danced with the devil, He overcame their mind with ease, and destroyed the GAME. One by one, they met their fate.
there were sheep, wolves, pigs, and velvet ropes. The instructor, was often smiling with a large and antagonizing smile. He reeked of gin and an odour, that triggered the nostrils to cease to breath, he smelt of success, and achievement. His ego was large. His muscles tiny. he began to stumble – over the time of the games… He teased each category. made them maneuver to a beat of his own violin, his red and well strung piece of musical sadness. His tone was aggressive and be-lilting, his hands were tightening as the animals were slow at progressing through the maze. He began to get angry… annoyed at humanity.… He wanted more, he wanted better… he wanted perfection… As the days progressed the being’s would lose their individuality, their dignity, their balls. And each day, this pig, this ruler, would strengthen his games, intensify their work… All while he sat above and grinned with pleasure, his alcoholic lips, lick his lips
he believes in conformity, and relentlessly begins to achieve it – Throughout our society… this man is strong, and ever-so powerful, and he won’t stop… he cannot stop… this world is his for the taking. And each category of animal is for his eating, he chows souls for breakfast, hearts for lunch, and tears for dinner. He sings an awfully dark tune in the morning, that frightens each animal, he sings it without heart and only knows the horrid words, he only understands ruthlessness and betrayal… He pawns each animal, he maneuvers them to stay dedicated, and keep up the rhythm. he yells loudly when they step out-of-line… and he strengthens their mind with his destructive words. And these words grip the soul and bring it down to his level, he dines with the devil, he goes to the games with hitlers, and sparks up a cigarette with Stollen. Drinks his liquid with the Masons.
My sadness descends – dangerously low… i feel like I’m headed towards a rocky death… She wants too much of me, she’ll take everything i possess and give me a cold shoulder, an angry face… she forgets the times that i’ve given much…. i’ve supported her, helped build her being… but all this is forgotten in the heat of the moment. her eyes penetrate me, i sink into depression….. I feel lifeless once the eyes hit me. I feel unsupported and betrayed. I thought she was excellent… i’m finding that she’s like the rest… an illusive conquest. Her imagery is fake, it’s see thru, like the ghosts she once fancied. she wanted little today, yet held it like it was her one dream through-out her life… her last cigarette. I fear i’ll fall, and she won’t be there to catch me, because even though her shoulders cold… it’s friendly to me. it cared when nobody else did, so i walk towards the devilish bone. But i fear there will be more sacrifices and feelings going upwards… that i’ll have to face, that’ll later haunt me, alike her presence…
I take a sip of beer, realizing that my demise is soon. the shadowness of alcoholism, is creeping up, and gravitating with his fingery hold… finger by finger, attaching itself to my being… it’s grip is cold and scaly… it’s shadowy feeling… is creating an uneasy feeling, a cold and unforgiving one…. slowly by slowly my liver is giving out, it’s hurting more and more, as the days progress i feel the evil man tightening his grip. His hold is strong, and his nails are sharp… He’s beginning to hurt my arm, i tell him no! but he has an evil smile on his face, on that screams, victim… as i sip my beverage i sink into a horrid depression, and i look on the calendar… but i don’t see much days, let alone weeks… i scream out to God, but we’ve grown distant…
My heart has broken apart, forever floating within the seas of my tears. It was once captured… Not now… it becomes free and the power is dispersing. It continues lifeless. and forgotten… It forever holds what love was. and what it could have been. encased in a bullet proof jar… the jar is filled with barbed wire… Lifeless like a plant without shine, or a rodent that has been killed… it floats forever within the jar, searching for anew relationship, love, friendship… I’m alone, and dying inside… But this isn’t new, this isn’t strange… it’s my life. The life she once gave, is a dream.
My heart was wrapped within tin foil and was ever expanding, and heating with ease…. now it isn’t captive once more, it’s freshly escaped and on it’s own… the warmth is leaving, the beauty within is disappearing. It’s free to be where it wants, with who it wants… but still, it thinks of her, and the greatness it once felt under her authority. It wanders the land, with selflessness and warmth… but the warmth cannot be returned, can’t be restrained for long. i had another temptress, another great girl, that only wanted what she could take, rather than me. I’m broken and guarded once more. I wanted her within this life, she wanted temporary satisfaction and currencies to better her life… while bringing my being down quite drastically, while lifting the ego. I feel used and taken for granted once more. around my heart are troops stationed within a watch-tower surrounding the premise with strength and hostility…. never letting another around once more…. my heart beats a sweet song of all that it’s encountered… let in, and taken apart. Set on fire, and then stomped on… because my heart is a game to most, another treasure discarded in the sand, never to be held for the right reasons again.
Good times, often do not last. The sun shines from above, my misery is going downwards. My eyes water, my hands shake, and i’m needing one more drink, one more better time. I try to escape a past that i’ve already escaped, i’m a survivor, now the phobias multiply my negative thoughts, to the point where i’m angry beyond measure, sad near suicidal, as i head to the beer store, they quickly bring back, where my dreams ended- Where i could not, say no, it captured me early on, as a kid, took my hand, walked me to a leprechauns lucky whisky bottle. now it’s everything i despise, yet, love. I go home, and drown myself into the unforgiving substances. Until the point where my head can’t think logically, to the point where i can’t walk, yet i challenge myself, to drink more, and be more… the pressure eats me alive, the stress took away my control… dignity, and led me astray, yet i’d ask the bartender for another molson…. The sun has vanished, and the only thing in the sky is raindrops…
alcoholism is at the door, it starts pounding fiercely, and quickly… i won’t let it in, i won’t, be apart of it’s wickedness, the devil is apart, it’s becoming, intertwined, loving, caring. it supports and is proud of me, i reply… go away, you’re not welcome here anymore… it progresses… fights intensely with the bell and the door… it’s knocking more fiercely more, quickly… i go out the back, and come back with an axe, it knocks me out, breaks through my door… it tells me i’m captured, i’m one… i’m on the floor trying to get up, it kicks it’s boot within my face… i feel at ease, submitted, in it’s hands…. yet i fight, and it quickly counter attacks… it’s too powerful, i do what it says.
Trapped within a mental cage. the bar’s are clear, the room is wide and lengthy. there’s much to do, yet nothing to do simultaniously… i shout for prison guards, inmates, but there isn’t anyone in the far distance. feels as if ill never leave this old prision, never see someone in the same situation… I shout out for the warden, someone in charge, but a speaker from on-top, says in a robotic tone, a fish in a pond that gets taken out of the water, caught. Is no longer free… but he can escape the boat if he has enough strength, enough will… My will is depleting, and i’m caught, but i’m in a bucket near the edges of the boat. With one lucky jump, i could claim my freedom back, and conquer the mountain, but i often wonder if the mountains an illusion and i’m really in sinking sand, I’m told never move ask for help, but there’s nobody in sight, nobody that cares…. Perhaps this is my fate to be within this cage forever, like a bird flapping it’s wings in it’s enforcement waiting for somebody to allow them to fly once more… the seasons will change slowly, the days will lessen, but it’s a slow death, as the dreams of flying within the birds mind, lessen, everything he’s known, loved are a fading memory…. as he ticks at the cage, they put more restraints, the quick sand within the mind fights back and brings the birds pride, joy, into the thick liquid, until it’s dead….