I stand among the other beasts, i call to the others, let’s move. let’s progress upwards onto this hill, we need to find a deer, a possum, anything to feed our stomachs, to provide us with strength and power… The other animals were less excited, lazier than the deer… we eventually entered the same page… We began to chase down a deer, and the deer progressed out of the premise, our quick steps were no match, we accelerated faster… But the deer was PASSIONATE about his surroundings, he understood the area much more… The next day we saw the deer. And we set our trap, we circled the deer and began to munch on his body, ripping flesh, destroying his caucus. And we learned from then on that sometimes talent beats passion.
there were sheep, wolves, pigs, and velvet ropes. The instructor, was often smiling with a large and antagonizing smile. He reeked of gin and an odour, that triggered the nostrils to cease to breath, he smelt of success, and achievement. His ego was large. His muscles tiny. he began to stumble – over the time of the games… He teased each category. made them maneuver to a beat of his own violin, his red and well strung piece of musical sadness. His tone was aggressive and be-lilting, his hands were tightening as the animals were slow at progressing through the maze. He began to get angry… annoyed at humanity.… He wanted more, he wanted better… he wanted perfection… As the days progressed the being’s would lose their individuality, their dignity, their balls. And each day, this pig, this ruler, would strengthen his games, intensify their work… All while he sat above and grinned with pleasure, his alcoholic lips, lick his lips
he believes in conformity, and relentlessly begins to achieve it – Throughout our society… this man is strong, and ever-so powerful, and he won’t stop… he cannot stop… this world is his for the taking. And each category of animal is for his eating, he chows souls for breakfast, hearts for lunch, and tears for dinner. He sings an awfully dark tune in the morning, that frightens each animal, he sings it without heart and only knows the horrid words, he only understands ruthlessness and betrayal… He pawns each animal, he maneuvers them to stay dedicated, and keep up the rhythm. he yells loudly when they step out-of-line… and he strengthens their mind with his destructive words. And these words grip the soul and bring it down to his level, he dines with the devil, he goes to the games with hitlers, and sparks up a cigarette with Stollen. Drinks his liquid with the Masons.
Over the large wooden bridge, there’s a green land mass. Around the mass, there’s plenty of water that runs through, there’s plenty of gorgeous wildlife, They’re all healthy and happy, they look as-if they have smiles, they’re mingling and eating the grass, the grass is always trimmed, and at this time of day there’s a rainbow and beneath that ‘bow, there’s water that spirals around a rock statue. it hits each rock with a thump, and continues downwards, thump, thump. The clouds are fluffy and a beautiful white, a friendly, everything will be great presence… as i watch the sky, i feel as if i’m energized and at one-with-the-Earth. As i’m walking down the bridge with my forest-ware – so the animals are at ease. A toxic fox comes forward, then deer… they fiercely attack other, once happy animals. munching on their corpses and now, disfigured bodies, I begin to run away, the land, is within the distance… i feel overly exhausted… i stop to catch my breathe, then look back at what had happened… There’s newly born fire, destroying the once beautiful forest… The animals are on fire… the rock statue has fallen and the rocks have broken…. The ground collapses before my feet… I quickly fall towards….
Society appears calculated. Actors all-over… my ego lifts upwards, downwards. i pray for the days it remains constant. Rather than fluctuating to ridiculous declines and bumping upward – to the point where i can’t breathe, downwards to the point I’m near suicidal. I pray for the days that no-longer feel dreadful, ones where there’s sunny times, and days where it wouldn’t pour, wouldn’t hail – i see weather as an indication of my mood. And weather is forever inconsistent – I want my life back, one where i make the decisions and i’m in-control of everything, the dance is becoming repetitious.. The actors grow aggressive, the puppets unaware and brutal. All-while people tell me that my life’s great… but i doubt everything they say, because i can no-longer trust anything, everything’s changing and i feel stuck within an abandoned town. Someone aggravated the nature within and I’m the only one that can survive within, the only one who can drink the water within the wells, eat the plants, enjoy the cancerous ridden water… everyone wants to collect my pieces of my soul, for their taking… they chip at it one-by-one, accelerating my death…. as i sip on vodka, it helps reconstruct who i am, replenishes the ego, helps the day’s pass, hopefully to the point where i won’t need it, where i’m no longer stuck in this town… In this trap. God seemingly disappeared and all i see is the devil with an exceptional mask, telling me to treat everyone with respect, as they destroy every piece that was me, is me. Chiselling my character, creating a seemingly “real” one… but i doubt everything those two say, i believe that i’m alone, and I’m nourishing myself with deadly substances. And the devil’s unforgiving and angry at me. The devil has it out for me…. perhaps the cloud’s won’t disappear, and the sun won’t shine again… that’s probably the most difficult mess within my life…
As i walk to the bean, i notice two ducks. within the river, beside the path that id travel, two and back to cafe beans. It was a cold december day, the breeze running through my hair, chilling my body temprature once again… those ducks left my sight, so i continued onwards to the bean. I met up with the others within, as usual i theyd ask me for cigarettes, chat as the smoke decreased in length… and it was gone within 5 minutes… that chat was over…. we all ventured into the bean, i took my seat at the back, them around the table… i felt used once again, in hopes of making a new friendship, as the months grew, our conversations became longer… our communicating seemed rather enjoyable, i felt a bond. One day within the spring, i was walking to the bean once again… and i felt a happiness that i havent felt in a while, it grew as the months grew rapidly. I thought to myself, ive found friends. Theyre great. I saw them once again that day, at a coffee shop i no longer go to… and i said hey todd, the usual happened, the smoke exchange… but this time it felt like we were buddies, they accompinied me home, and we began to converse, back-and-forth, the conversation getting rather deep… i enjoyed the times… the moments we shared grew and grew… to the point where theyd come daily, for 3 days in a row… i was often drunk. But one day they took out a pill, a vallium, i was told it was something lesser, wasnt addictive, decreased anxiety which i needed. So i enjoyed a few of them that day… the next day i saw them again… more pills, more booze. The times were enjoyable i felt an honest friendship between them, did they? The next day… they were hassling me, i didnt think anything different, little hassling, good talks. On our way to grab something, he showed me much, pawn shops, break and entering. we went to a drugdealer with the newly hassled money, another lie…. cocaine… i snorted it. He left in a rush… but left behind some pink pills, the eurphoria, excellated in height, i nodded my head to the music, without a care in the world…
I questioned the shiness and durability of the rock, and my perspective and understanding spiralled into chaos. All of the destructive behaviour that i overlooked all made sense… prositution, break and entry, a fading life and future… as i smoke crack, rock after rock, my future felt fading as the withdrawls became much more, and i felt a panick that ive havent felt in long, all because i wanted a new buddy….