Chasing a Love

My feeling’s created a vortex – They shall bring her towards; Her’s deflect my circular storm.  The wind shoots towards immensely.

Knocking me down – She comes forward wearing an (unknown) mask, wielding a freshly sharpened knife – The days have passed, the blade remained, the mask knew many roles, the knife has taken many foes – The darkness is overpowering

The weaponry, becomes dull as she progresses her stabs locating my heart – the vortex lessens in size.

She smiles, the beauty of her smile, catches me off guard – my feeling’s ‘sharpen’ – They take ahold – strengthen…. ascend – The vortex grow’s dangerously large;

The powerful air becomes unstable, It fluctuates – tilts rapidly, back-and-forth – bringing forth the other, consuming her; the blade – bounced off my heavily guarded heart, the blade bent…. I wake up, and realize i’ve been walking once more in my sleep – Feeling’s still needing release, to pick her up, and wrap my arms around.

Advertisements

Self-improvement, happiness.

When I walk through the store, the eyes gravitate towards me, i can feel the atmosphere and it’s cold and bitter. Everyone’s out for themselves…. they look as if they’re wolf’s taking the meat of another’s, eating the steak bloody and rare.  for this reason, I look rather aggressive, and hardened… the torment, aged a once happy face, an innocent sweet smile turned to a frown… i stay behind a barrier of what the world had done to me, because it feels familiar and keeps me safe… My eyes are sunken in and the rings around dark, my hair’s neat, my clothes a well-washed, my hands are soft, but my heart’s cold for society. They’ve stricken me of my final shirt, the shirt that kept me warm through-out the winter months…. I don’t feel pity for myself because i’ve learned to understand that people were a product of their days, rather than something they’ve purposely done. They weren’t meaning to take my final shirt, they couldn’t have known. I feel sympathetic for them, rather than angry, because they’re a product of their environment and i’m no longer one. Growing up was a difficult experience for me, but it satisfied my once clean soul, and left it with a delightful colouring, of my now excellent personality… the one that’s been humbled and calculated by my mind…  The one that’s forever developing, uniquely and efficiently. I feel the lights of the heavens around my body, I feel their divine energy contributing to what i’ve grown to love, and that’s self-improvement.

Fireworks Within a Mind

Fireworks are exiting my brain, they’re bright and combust lately with ease. They’re effortless and enjoyable… Beautiful thoughts are within my head powering these powdery fires – The music flows within the room, The fireworks grow in strength, exiting quicker; I hope they continue, they progress, I look around and things feel excellent. I feel content and the fireworky ego is alike meth, happy pulses cruise within my head, across… sometimes the ego going upwards is one of the best feelings in the world.

Alcoholic Beverage

Good times, often do not last. The sun shines from above, my misery is going downwards. My eyes water, my hands shake, and i’m needing one more drink, one more better time. I try to escape a past that i’ve already escaped, i’m a survivor, now the phobias multiply my negative thoughts, to the point where i’m angry beyond measure, sad near suicidal, as i head to the beer store, they quickly bring back, where my dreams ended- Where i could not, say no, it captured me early on, as a kid, took my hand, walked me to a leprechauns lucky whisky bottle. now it’s everything i despise, yet, love. I go home, and drown myself into the unforgiving substances. Until the point where my head can’t think logically, to the point where i can’t walk, yet i challenge myself, to drink more, and be more… the pressure eats me alive, the stress took away my control… dignity, and led me astray, yet i’d ask the bartender for another molson…. The sun has vanished, and the only thing in the sky is raindrops…

Earth.

Over the large wooden bridge, there’s a green land mass. Around the mass, there’s plenty of water that runs through, there’s plenty of gorgeous wildlife, They’re all healthy and happy, they look as-if they have smiles, they’re mingling and eating the grass, the grass is always trimmed, and at this time of day there’s a rainbow and beneath that ‘bow, there’s water that spirals around a rock statue. it hits each rock with a thump, and continues downwards, thump, thump. The clouds are fluffy and a beautiful white, a friendly, everything will be great presence… as i watch the sky, i feel as if i’m energized and at one-with-the-Earth. As i’m walking down the bridge with my forest-ware – so the animals are at ease.  A toxic fox comes forward, then deer… they fiercely attack other, once happy animals. munching on their corpses and now, disfigured bodies, I begin to run away, the land, is within the distance… i feel overly exhausted… i stop to catch my breathe, then look back at what had happened… There’s newly born fire, destroying the once beautiful forest… The animals are on fire… the rock statue has fallen and the rocks have broken…. The ground collapses before my feet… I quickly fall towards….

The Personified Skyscraper.

building a skyscraper, the ‘scraper, will be built with well engineered materials, it will laugh beautifully, be well constructed, each brick, each pillar, will shout out to the heavens, commanding storms, telling the God’s that it’s ready to be among the highest building’s within the city. It smiles to the sky – It’s structurally well…. and forever growing, expanding, taking the city over. The personified structure… will never be among those who become ablaze, it will charge in development, charge in power – electricity.  Above the hellish molten of middle Earth, The basement’s concrete will be so embedded so, one with the Earth, the soil. It will tell the ground units trying to destruct this massive building, that’s it’s never be fucked with, never to be tore down. This building is the Earth… It’s as impenetrable as a diamond, in sorts it is.

Sadness

Trapped within a mental cage. the bar’s are clear, the room is wide and lengthy. there’s much to do, yet nothing to do simultaniously… i shout for prison guards, inmates, but there isn’t anyone in the far distance. feels as if ill never leave this old prision, never see someone in the same situation… I shout out for the warden, someone in charge, but a speaker from on-top, says in a robotic tone, a fish in a pond that gets taken out of the water, caught. Is no longer free… but he can escape the boat if he has enough strength, enough will… My will is depleting, and i’m caught, but i’m in a bucket near the edges of the boat. With one lucky jump, i could claim my freedom back, and conquer the mountain, but i often wonder if the mountains an illusion and i’m really in sinking sand, I’m told never move ask for help, but there’s nobody in sight, nobody that cares…. Perhaps this is my fate to be within this cage forever, like a bird flapping it’s wings in it’s enforcement waiting for somebody to allow them to fly once more… the seasons will change slowly, the days will lessen, but it’s a slow death, as the dreams of flying within the birds mind, lessen, everything he’s known, loved are a fading memory…. as he ticks at the cage, they put more restraints, the quick sand within the mind fights back and brings the birds pride, joy, into the thick liquid, until it’s dead….

In an abandoned town.

Society appears calculated. Actors all-over… my ego lifts upwards, downwards. i pray for the days it remains constant. Rather than fluctuating to ridiculous declines and bumping upward – to the point where i can’t breathe, downwards to the point I’m near suicidal. I pray for the days that no-longer feel dreadful, ones where there’s sunny times, and days where it wouldn’t pour, wouldn’t hail – i see weather as an indication of my mood. And weather is forever inconsistent – I want my life back, one where i make the decisions and i’m in-control of everything, the dance is becoming repetitious.. The actors grow aggressive, the puppets unaware and brutal. All-while people tell me that my life’s great… but i doubt everything they say, because i can no-longer trust anything, everything’s changing and i feel stuck within an abandoned town. Someone aggravated the nature within and I’m the only one that can survive within, the only one who can drink the water within the wells, eat the plants, enjoy the cancerous ridden water… everyone wants to collect my pieces of my soul, for their taking… they chip at it one-by-one, accelerating my death…. as i sip on vodka, it helps reconstruct who i am, replenishes the ego, helps the day’s pass, hopefully to the point where i won’t need it, where i’m no longer stuck in this town… In this trap. God seemingly disappeared and all i see is the devil with an exceptional mask, telling me to treat everyone with respect, as they destroy every piece that was me, is me. Chiselling my character, creating a seemingly “real” one… but i doubt everything those two say, i believe that i’m alone, and I’m nourishing myself with deadly substances. And the devil’s unforgiving and angry at me. The devil has it out for me…. perhaps the cloud’s won’t disappear, and the sun won’t shine again… that’s probably the most difficult mess within my life…

Romantic turn-around

excited and happy, peaceful, I’m a bird within the clouds, feeling like, nothing can touch me, there isnt anything that can hurt me. i’m flying within my V-shape and i feel excellent. i Feel superior to the other geese, because i found something that they couldn’t find, couldn’t have – or so i think. I’ve pecked at the devil, had worms with the God’s. And met all the important geeses.
The other birds infront begin to laugh outragiously amongst their flock. while they fly, they turn ‘round, look to me with their teeth showing. The laughter cease, they begin to feel guilt… hey, Vince. You’re happy aren’t you? i have something important to tell you, hehe. it’s about that girl…..i say to myself, oh fuck…! I saw their dead eyes, their enormous aha ha’s. no, please don’t tell me anything about her, she’s loyal, kind. However…. i suspect somethings off and if i hear another dangerous thing it could be my last… my heart feels as-if it can’t withstand another heartbreak, more emotional disturbance, it’s not solid, fragile… I look above, god’s shouting at me turn from the flock son! I tell him I’m happy, I’m headed for Florida, suddenly i find myself within a deep hole, the sand starts to fall, starts to form around what i think is my grave… I look around for an exit, i see the devil appear, I have terrible news for you pecking man, your friend isnt your friend. She’s possessed – i made her. she used you as a stepping stone, a doormat. Has taken you for granted, wanted to see you in fiery pain. it then clicks… makes sense to me, the things i overlooked come rushing into my head. a red boulder falls within…. breaks my neck… I’m suffering in pain…

while she’s in florida, in a beautiful lake, with beautiful scenery, plotting her next movement. Against a sweet, unsuspecting goose, the goose is another innocent creature she wants to hurt, because just then she feels whole, feels worthy, feels important. She lures him in with her beautiful eyes and innocence, he’s naive, new to the scene, she’s older and mentally more aware, stronger… she manipulates him with ease, their relationship builds overtime, until the inevitable hits.

lost love

she’s gone, the one who changed my life and bettered every-moment, went along with the spring weather. one last thunderstorm and she disappeared. leaving behind a trace of the things she loved, and enjoyed. her flowers, her womanly decoration’s – the things that i loved about her, her innocent thoughts with a smile that saw too much, that loved the world fiercely, of all things, of all people, lost. in the confusion of my mind i didn’t do enough, wasn’t enough, couldn’t be the man she wanted, i wasn’t suited to play such a role, to participate in her complex mind, where every mechanism that turns and runs efficiently, quickly and delicately – each piece rotate with ease and hopefulness. Rotating with a special magical essence locked within a oval wall of strength and determination – she was strong but had a scar across her heart that wouldn’t let in love (it SEEMS) even if i could climb her heart and post a flag within, encountering the top and burying a token of my being within, it may start a chain reaction of angriness and sickness, because if she could love a man like me, she would have given other men the chance, the opportunity to penetrate her most precious organ, encased in glass that’s ready to shatter at any moment, due to the fact that it’s fragile and should be treated with care – long-term, i’d screw up, id drop the box that holds her it…. thinking to myself, never enough, ill give everything but my anxiety will break apart whatever relationship, no-matter what happens, i gave absolute love my greatest shot… and it was not enough. how could it?