Ego soar’s incredibly, happiness circles the body, and i feel the warmth exiting… The shell becomes punctured to the other side… My old self dies off – my soul releases – i’m reborn – a cloudy-spirit ascends, i begin gravitating, over my body. I look in every direction, notice every detail. I look upon my old self – my body appears projecting a painting of everything i went through And the end is freedom, from the past destructiveness. It feels surreal, overwhelming my spirt, I begin to “hover” away from the scene of the crime….
My emotions descend to a depth, i’ve never witnessed. They cast within, as poison within a pit of my stomach from my mind, causing me to vomit, the toxicity in the mind multiplies and causes me to lose my current perspective, I begin trying to take grasp of reality, it fluctuates – deep hatred-heavens; destroying my once healthy body. They stick, my mind can’t go upwards – at some level i feel i deserve pain, which keeps me low. I hyperventilate, but can’t catch up to my normal rhythm. Everything i’ve grown to love, about myself, feels shattered. The mirrors within my thought chain, bounce my thoughts from within, and create a phantom-curtain, that picks up the previous identity, throwing it. My confidence dances away with strength and musical, beauty, playing to an old skipping record – as my thoughts try to find hope, negativity skips with positivitey, briefly – of a destructive classical masterpiece.
there were sheep, wolves, pigs, and velvet ropes. The instructor, was often smiling with a large and antagonizing smile. He reeked of gin and an odour, that triggered the nostrils to cease to breath, he smelt of success, and achievement. His ego was large. His muscles tiny. he began to stumble – over the time of the games… He teased each category. made them maneuver to a beat of his own violin, his red and well strung piece of musical sadness. His tone was aggressive and be-lilting, his hands were tightening as the animals were slow at progressing through the maze. He began to get angry… annoyed at humanity.… He wanted more, he wanted better… he wanted perfection… As the days progressed the being’s would lose their individuality, their dignity, their balls. And each day, this pig, this ruler, would strengthen his games, intensify their work… All while he sat above and grinned with pleasure, his alcoholic lips, lick his lips
he believes in conformity, and relentlessly begins to achieve it – Throughout our society… this man is strong, and ever-so powerful, and he won’t stop… he cannot stop… this world is his for the taking. And each category of animal is for his eating, he chows souls for breakfast, hearts for lunch, and tears for dinner. He sings an awfully dark tune in the morning, that frightens each animal, he sings it without heart and only knows the horrid words, he only understands ruthlessness and betrayal… He pawns each animal, he maneuvers them to stay dedicated, and keep up the rhythm. he yells loudly when they step out-of-line… and he strengthens their mind with his destructive words. And these words grip the soul and bring it down to his level, he dines with the devil, he goes to the games with hitlers, and sparks up a cigarette with Stollen. Drinks his liquid with the Masons.
Walking towards the summit, on the path we experienced great heartbreaks, great depression… but in the end it made us stronger, we we started to see everything as one to be played with, another person to score the game winning shot… so we exhaled and continued upwards. we saw the snowiest and iciest of paths, yet we remained at ease, previously we would turn hostile and it would cut us deep. however the large quest almost inspired us to continue, and to keep up our excellent work, our amazing conquest, seemed rather trivial seventy-five percent upwards. We started to run, and we gained speed and as our legs would run more quickly, so would are minds, the path decreased and eventually, we’ll be at the summit, but we’re starting to see the growth we made up this mountain, and everything seems like it will be alright, to see the sun shine before us, will be our end. And we’ll forever flourish, we just need to maintain hope, and our strength, but it’s in our pockets now… the clockworks turning ever so quickly, society is beginning to feel more calculated, but i grow stronger. I imagine the peak is everything i’ve been told to believe, everything i’ve ever wanted but 1/4th up this path and i’m already starting to envision that we’ll be singing with the angels.
My sadness descends – dangerously low… i feel like I’m headed towards a rocky death… She wants too much of me, she’ll take everything i possess and give me a cold shoulder, an angry face… she forgets the times that i’ve given much…. i’ve supported her, helped build her being… but all this is forgotten in the heat of the moment. her eyes penetrate me, i sink into depression….. I feel lifeless once the eyes hit me. I feel unsupported and betrayed. I thought she was excellent… i’m finding that she’s like the rest… an illusive conquest. Her imagery is fake, it’s see thru, like the ghosts she once fancied. she wanted little today, yet held it like it was her one dream through-out her life… her last cigarette. I fear i’ll fall, and she won’t be there to catch me, because even though her shoulders cold… it’s friendly to me. it cared when nobody else did, so i walk towards the devilish bone. But i fear there will be more sacrifices and feelings going upwards… that i’ll have to face, that’ll later haunt me, alike her presence…
battling the shadows within my mind, a constant fight. they’re using more sophisticated weaponry, advanced targeting systems, spiralling around my mind, detaching reality from within, betraying my beliefs, my agenda…. it feels as-if everything i’ve done in the name of a better life is for nothing, the hard times will be forever… I look to my friends and family for support, but i’m alone. it’s time to call it quits… but something in me keeps wanting what i cannot have. wanting the best. So that side of me will not give up, it moves forward and drags the other side, along… Forever in a constant cycle, of what feels good, mixed with what would be make the best results… so i strengthen up and build myself a future that i’ll be proud of. Forever running a marathon that i may complete…. cycling to my goals in a constant way, playing catchup with what’s not meant for me.